“ He makes me so sick. He needs to change and I’m going to pray that God does just that.”
Does this sound familiar?
For so many years I placed blame on why disagreements would come up in my marriage, on my husband. Things were always his fault. I’ve told him many times how he needed to change his ways in order for our marriage to work . Am I the only one who has been angry or frustrated with my marriage?
There were just some things that I had to come to terms with and change, for the sake of my marriage.
- I AM IN CONTROL OF MY OWN EMOTIONS
I couldn’t blame my husband for making me mad, because I am responsible for how I respond and control my emotions. What am I getting mad for anyway? There is always room for discussion about disagreements without blowing up on each other.
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19-20NIV)
26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27NIV)
This is one of the hardest verses in the bible for me to follow. I would let any and every little thing bother me. The word clearly says that as a believer, I should listen without rushing to interrupt to get my point across and slow to get angry. Have you ever looked back on a past argument and thought about how silly it was in the first place?
There have been times when I didn’t want to reconcile after an argument. That was pure stubbornness. There is a reason for the verse in Ephesians. The longer you stew and stay in your anger, the more opportunities you allow the devil a chance to work. I could always tell when the Holy Spirit would convict me in my anger because this verse would replay in my mind. Did I care? No, I would just find a way to justify why I was mad. Chew on this, have you ever encountered someone who lost a spouse and the first thing they would say is, “I never got a chance to say I Love You, one last time, or I wish I could take back those final words I said to them.” Don’t let that be you. Take heed to this scripture.
- DIVERSION TO AVOID TRUTH
One thing my husband says that I’m good at, is using a diversion tactic when I want to avoid something. In an argument, do you point out what your husband does and play the back and forth blame game? I did too. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I had work to do, so I would find a way to divert what he was saying back to what I felt he needed to work on or what he was doing wrong.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. ( Matthew 7:3-5NIV)
Wow! Clear as day. I wanted to be right so bad, that I would point out all of my husband’s flaws, but never took notice of my own. When we continue to play the blame game, we never come to a true resolution. I’m pretty sure that there is work that needs to be done on both ends.
- COULD MY ANGER BE CAUSED BY FEAR?
From our last post, we learned how to fully submit to God and our husbands. Since I knew that I was supposed to submit, I panicked at the thought of someone controlling me. I was wanting to call the shots and when I didn’t get my way, here comes the anger. I wasn’t trusting God to lead my husband, and I wasn’t trusting my husband to lead me. There is no such thing as a fairytale marriage, even a Christian one. There are good times and there are bad ones. Each marriage is different. When you come into a marriage with expectations of how YOU want things to be, you will become disappointed when they don’t turn out that way. I had in mind how I wanted my husband to love me. When it wasn’t the way I expected, I would get angry, and tell him how to do it. There I go again not trusting God to be the true head of my marriage.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3: 5-6NIV)
I cannot express it enough, how important it is to have God as the head of your marriage. If he is not, there is work to be done. There will be times when you get frustrated but I pray that you guys’ will seek the above scriptures for guidance and of course, prayer.
There is one book that truly helped me to confront my imperfections, along with the bible. I encourage you all to check out Louise Hay’s Mirror Work. It really helped me to focus on what needed to be fixed inside of me.
I will leave you with this scripture:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7NIV)
Do you guys find yourselves in the same boat as me? I would love to hear from you