I Can’t Stand To Be Around Him At Times

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“ He makes me so sick. He needs to change and I’m going to pray that God does just that.”

Does this sound familiar?

For so many years I placed blame on why disagreements would come up in my marriage, on my husband. Things were always his fault. I’ve told him many times how he needed to change his ways in order for our marriage to work . Am I the only one who has been angry or frustrated with my marriage?

There were just some things that I had to come to terms with and change, for the sake of my marriage.

  1. I AM IN CONTROL OF MY OWN EMOTIONS

I couldn’t blame my husband for making me mad, because I am responsible for how I respond and control my emotions. What am I getting mad for anyway? There is always room for discussion about disagreements without blowing up on each other.

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19-20NIV)

26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27NIV)

This is one of the hardest verses in the bible for me to follow. I would let any and every little thing bother me. The word clearly says that as a believer, I should listen without rushing to interrupt to get my point across and slow to get angry. Have you ever looked back on a past argument and thought about how silly it was in the first place?

There have been times when I didn’t want to reconcile after an argument. That was pure stubbornness. There is a reason for the verse in Ephesians. The longer you stew and stay in your anger, the more opportunities you allow the devil a chance to work. I could always tell when the Holy Spirit would convict me in my anger because this verse would replay in my mind. Did I care? No, I would just find a way to justify why I was mad.  Chew on this, have you ever encountered someone who lost a spouse and the first thing they would say is, “I never got a chance to say I Love You, one last time, or I wish I could take back those final words I said to them.” Don’t let that be you. Take heed to this scripture.

  1. DIVERSION TO AVOID TRUTH

One thing my husband says that I’m good at, is using a diversion tactic when I want to avoid something. In an argument, do you point out what your husband does and play the back and forth blame game? I did too. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I had work to do, so I would find a way to divert what he was saying back to what I felt he needed to work on or what he was doing wrong.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. ( Matthew 7:3-5NIV)

Wow! Clear as day. I wanted to be right so bad, that I would point out all of my husband’s flaws, but never took notice of my own. When we continue to play the blame game, we never come to a true resolution. I’m pretty sure that there is work that needs to be done on both ends.

  1. COULD MY ANGER BE CAUSED BY FEAR?

From our last post, we learned how to fully submit to God and our husbands. Since I knew that I was supposed to submit, I panicked at the thought of someone controlling me. I was wanting to call the shots and when I didn’t get my way, here comes the anger. I wasn’t trusting God to lead my husband, and I wasn’t trusting my husband to lead me. There is no such thing as a fairytale marriage, even a Christian one. There are good times and there are bad ones. Each marriage is different. When you come into a marriage with expectations of how YOU want things to be, you will become disappointed when they don’t turn out that way. I had in mind how I wanted my husband to love me. When it wasn’t the way I expected, I would get angry, and tell him how to do it. There I go again not trusting God to be the true head of my marriage.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3: 5-6NIV)

I cannot express it enough, how important it is to have God as the head of your marriage. If he is not, there is work to be done. There will be times when you get frustrated but I pray that you guys’ will seek the above scriptures for guidance and of course, prayer.

There is one book that truly helped me to confront my imperfections, along with the bible. I encourage you all to check out Louise Hay’s Mirror Work. It really helped me to focus on what needed to be fixed inside of me.

I will leave you with this scripture:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7NIV)

Do you guys find yourselves in the same boat as me? I would love to hear from you

 

 

 

 

 

Submit? You’re Kidding Right?

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Let’s get started!! I was praying for topics that Christian women could be struggling with within their marriages. God showed me what I needed to address within myself first, so that I could help other women, who struggle from the same issue. Clear as day, he showed me Submission. What does it mean to submit to your husband in marriage? Why does this subject have such a negative thought pattern surrounding it?

I had been a pretty independent lady, so when I was told that when I got married, I had to submit to my husband, I immediately thought that I had to allow someone to have control over me. No way! That was how I started my marriage. I said that I was okay with letting my husband take lead, and I would submit to him, but my actions never showed that. I liked to do things my own way, so submitting was a hard thing for me to do for a better part of 7-8 years. Only recently, have I gained a true understanding to what it means to submit. One thing that I was missing was that my husband was not the only person that I needed to submit to. In fact, I needed to fully submit to God, and then my husband. Once we as women fully submit to God, we will begin to see things from a Godly perspective, instead of a worldly perspective. I began to realize that submitting did not mean that my husband would control me, it just meant that we would have continual love and respect for each other, and I would lift him up in support as he does what God leads him to do.

Ephesians 5:21-25 (NIV) states: “21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”

You see, our Godly husbands have a job to do, and that is to love us as Christ loves the church. That’s a pretty big job, so our job is to help make it a little easier for them. In scripture it states that we are to submit to God and our husbands. We can’t do one without the other or it won’t work. I knew I had work to do in this department but it didn’t click for me until this year. Let’s take a look at how some other women feel about submitting and how they have dealt with it.

     “My experience with being a submissive wife has definitely been a work in progress, to say the least! lol! I’m on my 2nd marriage, and I can honestly say that this is the man who God created for me. In my 1st marriage, being submissive didn’t work out well for me. I was raised in the church and I knew what the bible said about wives submitting to their husbands but I didn’t learn what that truly meant until recently. I think that I started out being submissive but once I saw that my husband at the time didn’t know how he was supposed to treat me and took advantage of me, it was a wrap! He was not being the man of the house nor did he view me how Christ viewed the church, and unfortunately we couldn’t get it together so we got a divorce. Being married now for a 2nd time, I fully understand what those scriptures mean and how it looks within a marriage. According to God’s design, marriage is a relationship that returns love for love, service for service. Husbands and wives love and sacrifice for one another in many different ways. Husbands are supposed to love their wives by protecting, cherishing, and serving them. Wives submit to their husbands out of respect and love. Both the husband and the wife are given many opportunities to show Christ’s love to one another. It is not always easy, and I think all married couples would agree, but marriages can best reflect God’s redemptive work in our lives by following his example of his relationship & love for the church.”          (Tierra, 31 Divorced & Recently Remarried)
         “When I reflect on Ephesians 5:22 in response to submitting to your husband, I truly feel by saying wives submit to your husband puts a wife in the mindframe that she needs to “obey” her husband. I remember when I got married I was adamant about my Pastor not saying love, honor, and obey in my wedding vows. I asked could he substitute “obey ” for “humbly submit”. I had to learn that submitting to your husband wasn’t a sign of weakness or an inferiority to him, but an act of respect to being the head of the household. If you can’t trust & respect your husband to lead your household, then you definitely shouldn’t be marrying him. I think we all have this idea that marriage is this great big fairy tale; when it truly isn’t. There are times my husband has made decisions that made me want to strangle him, but he has an accountability to God for the decisions he makes concerning us. That’s why it’s so very important when we choose our husband’s that we choose a man who is after God’s own heart. If a man is after God’s own heart and loves you as Christ loved the church then you’re off to a great start. Christ had an undying love for the church & ultimately sacrificed His life for it. When a man does that,  it makes it easy to submit to him because you know he has your best interest at heart.”                        (Sparkle, Married 11 years)
                  “Submitting was never a bad word to me growing up. I saw my Christian parents leading by example. However, as I entered relationships with different men who I felt were not worth my submission, the idea travelled further and further from my mind. When, I eventually met the man I believe God joined me with, let’s just say my center had shifted. This idea that I was exposed to as a child was no longer an idea that I accepted as one based in reality. I knew what the bible said, but I felt like my submission was not something that would just come with the wedding package, but it would have to be earned. As long as my husband did what I thought he should, I responded submissively. However, if there was any issue, I would regress to being my own woman and doing what I wanted to do. In retrospect, this action was directly related to not only my need for spiritual growth, but my husband’s as well. When I saw him growing spiritually and I began to grow, I became convicted. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect and I fall “off the wagon” sometimes, but I can truly say being submissive is definitely the rule, not the exception in our household now. ”              
 (Tiffonie, Married 16 years)

     Wow! I think it’s safe to say that this has been a struggle for a lot of us. If we allow God to send us our mates, instead of jumping ahead of him and picking out our own, we will see that submitting is not bad, but a great thing on both ends for marriage. To be in divine order, our husbands must follow God and love us as commanded and we as wives’ must obey, honor and submit to them. If your husbands are not there yet, that’s okay. Just continue to pray that God will show them the way.

Have you submitted your all to God? Are you still struggling with submitting to your husbands? We would love to hear from you!

*Please study to show your self approved. Read the scriptures provided, for yourself*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Do You Do When You Are Tired of Running?

I have been in church since I was born. Every Sunday I was there, choir rehearsal and much more! My father was called to pastor over a church which left me, a preachers kid. Even after all of that, did I really know God? I thought I did, I mean, I received so much word, I sung in the choir, so, I thought I was doing a pretty good job being a Christian. There was still something that I longed for. Something that I felt was missing but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I had it all, loving husband, three boys, job, health strength and so much more, but something was still off. I began to pray that God would reveal what my purpose on this earth would be. This has been my prayer for the last few years.

When I tell you that God can turn something around for you in instantly, believe me. In a matter of three days, God began to just reveal thing after thing to me. We began to battle because there were some things that he was telling me to do, but I wanted to negotiate instead. When he wants your attention, he will get it, no matter what. Nights I tossed and turned to the point where I just had to surrender it all to him. In doing that he began to reveal to me my purpose. There are two things that I experience first hand. One is being a mother. The other is being a wife. 

Marriage is a wonderful thing, but lets face it, it is in no way, like the fairy tales. There are ups and downs, and it is hard work. In no way, shape or form has my marriage been easy, but I feel that God has placed a ministry inside of me to share with other Christian wives. This will be a platform where we will explore how to deal with real life marital issues, while serving God. This will be a NO JUDGEMENT zone, but a place to learn from others’ experiences. The Christian Wife: Unplugged STARTS NOW

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