Submit? You’re Kidding Right?


Let’s get started!! I was praying for topics that Christian women could be struggling with within their marriages. God showed me what I needed to address within myself first, so that I could help other women, who struggle from the same issue. Clear as day, he showed me Submission. What does it mean to submit to your husband in marriage? Why does this subject have such a negative thought pattern surrounding it?

I had been a pretty independent lady, so when I was told that when I got married, I had to submit to my husband, I immediately thought that I had to allow someone to have control over me. No way! That was how I started my marriage. I said that I was okay with letting my husband take lead, and I would submit to him, but my actions never showed that. I liked to do things my own way, so submitting was a hard thing for me to do for a better part of 7-8 years. Only recently, have I gained a true understanding to what it means to submit. One thing that I was missing was that my husband was not the only person that I needed to submit to. In fact, I needed to fully submit to God, and then my husband. Once we as women fully submit to God, we will begin to see things from a Godly perspective, instead of a worldly perspective. I began to realize that submitting did not mean that my husband would control me, it just meant that we would have continual love and respect for each other, and I would lift him up in support as he does what God leads him to do.

Ephesians 5:21-25 (NIV) states: “21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”

You see, our Godly husbands have a job to do, and that is to love us as Christ loves the church. That’s a pretty big job, so our job is to help make it a little easier for them. In scripture it states that we are to submit to God and our husbands. We can’t do one without the other or it won’t work. I knew I had work to do in this department but it didn’t click for me until this year. Let’s take a look at how some other women feel about submitting and how they have dealt with it.

     “My experience with being a submissive wife has definitely been a work in progress, to say the least! lol! I’m on my 2nd marriage, and I can honestly say that this is the man who God created for me. In my 1st marriage, being submissive didn’t work out well for me. I was raised in the church and I knew what the bible said about wives submitting to their husbands but I didn’t learn what that truly meant until recently. I think that I started out being submissive but once I saw that my husband at the time didn’t know how he was supposed to treat me and took advantage of me, it was a wrap! He was not being the man of the house nor did he view me how Christ viewed the church, and unfortunately we couldn’t get it together so we got a divorce. Being married now for a 2nd time, I fully understand what those scriptures mean and how it looks within a marriage. According to God’s design, marriage is a relationship that returns love for love, service for service. Husbands and wives love and sacrifice for one another in many different ways. Husbands are supposed to love their wives by protecting, cherishing, and serving them. Wives submit to their husbands out of respect and love. Both the husband and the wife are given many opportunities to show Christ’s love to one another. It is not always easy, and I think all married couples would agree, but marriages can best reflect God’s redemptive work in our lives by following his example of his relationship & love for the church.”          (Tierra, 31 Divorced & Recently Remarried)
         “When I reflect on Ephesians 5:22 in response to submitting to your husband, I truly feel by saying wives submit to your husband puts a wife in the mindframe that she needs to “obey” her husband. I remember when I got married I was adamant about my Pastor not saying love, honor, and obey in my wedding vows. I asked could he substitute “obey ” for “humbly submit”. I had to learn that submitting to your husband wasn’t a sign of weakness or an inferiority to him, but an act of respect to being the head of the household. If you can’t trust & respect your husband to lead your household, then you definitely shouldn’t be marrying him. I think we all have this idea that marriage is this great big fairy tale; when it truly isn’t. There are times my husband has made decisions that made me want to strangle him, but he has an accountability to God for the decisions he makes concerning us. That’s why it’s so very important when we choose our husband’s that we choose a man who is after God’s own heart. If a man is after God’s own heart and loves you as Christ loved the church then you’re off to a great start. Christ had an undying love for the church & ultimately sacrificed His life for it. When a man does that,  it makes it easy to submit to him because you know he has your best interest at heart.”                        (Sparkle, Married 11 years)
                  “Submitting was never a bad word to me growing up. I saw my Christian parents leading by example. However, as I entered relationships with different men who I felt were not worth my submission, the idea travelled further and further from my mind. When, I eventually met the man I believe God joined me with, let’s just say my center had shifted. This idea that I was exposed to as a child was no longer an idea that I accepted as one based in reality. I knew what the bible said, but I felt like my submission was not something that would just come with the wedding package, but it would have to be earned. As long as my husband did what I thought he should, I responded submissively. However, if there was any issue, I would regress to being my own woman and doing what I wanted to do. In retrospect, this action was directly related to not only my need for spiritual growth, but my husband’s as well. When I saw him growing spiritually and I began to grow, I became convicted. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect and I fall “off the wagon” sometimes, but I can truly say being submissive is definitely the rule, not the exception in our household now. ”              
 (Tiffonie, Married 16 years)

     Wow! I think it’s safe to say that this has been a struggle for a lot of us. If we allow God to send us our mates, instead of jumping ahead of him and picking out our own, we will see that submitting is not bad, but a great thing on both ends for marriage. To be in divine order, our husbands must follow God and love us as commanded and we as wives’ must obey, honor and submit to them. If your husbands are not there yet, that’s okay. Just continue to pray that God will show them the way.

Have you submitted your all to God? Are you still struggling with submitting to your husbands? We would love to hear from you!

*Please study to show your self approved. Read the scriptures provided, for yourself*








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