Last week we talked about how our children are blessings, even though they test our patience at times. This week we will dive into how important it is to continue dating your spouse.
The everyday hustle and bustle of life is always chaotic. Errands must be ran, the kids need taken care of, matters need to handled and the list goes on. It is so easy to become complacent in the same daily routine. After being married for 8 years, getting comfortable was a problem for us. We would forget how to care for the foundation of our family, which was our marriage. What we did when we were dating, and even before kids, was becoming a thing of the past. If we took time to get away to talk, laugh and enjoy each other’s company before, then we must make it a priority to keep our marriage afloat.
Sounds easy, right? Just date each other more. It’s not always as easy as it sounds. Here are a couple of things that could make dating your spouse a difficult task.
- Child Care- It is very hard to date your spouse if you have young children with little to no child care assistance. It was and still is a struggle for us simply because we don’t have a lot of family around. The family that we do have around, we don’t want to burn them out with babysitting all the time.
Does this sound familiar?
- Lack of planning- When you get back to making dating your spouse a priority, you can schedule dates ahead of time. We literally have to give my mom our days a month in advance so that she knows to block of that time. LOL! Funny but necessary. When planning, be sure to be realistic!
- Finances- Everyone’s financial situation is different. Do you have to spend big bucks to date your spouse and keep the romance alive? Of course not! Take it from a DIY’er, this is where your creativity must shine! There are plenty of ways to have completely free, yet romantic and fun quality time with each other. There are times when my husband and I will just take a drive down Lake Shore Drive, after the kids are sleep, just to embrace God’s beauty, while talking about life.
I wanted to get a guy’s perspective on this issue, so I asked my husband to give his intake on how important it is to date your spouse. This is what he said:
Dating as a married couple is very hard, when you have children. Let me rephrase that, dating is hard when you are married and your union truly believes children, or taking care of elderly parents, or any other number of family priorities are higher on the list than the union. I believe married couples must set predetermined dates on the calendar (multiple days) throughout each month to ensure they are making intimate time for one another. That time doesn’t just mean physical connection, but the emotional, mental, and spiritual connection that keeps unions close. A date doesn’t always have to be going out to the movies and dinner (which is still important) but a date is literally a date. The most important thing a couple must do first is agree on a date that they will dedicate some time just for one another. Need be 30 minutes or 6hrs the time needed is for each individual couple to figure out. At a minimum, there should be a bi-weekly or monthly time the couple plans. It’s easy to make excuses as to why there isn’t time for your spouse when both are dedicated to the family and family comes first. But how did the family come first if it wasn’t for the union of the couple? Mixed with the predetermined dates there should be spontaneity and flirting throughout daily interactions so that the ember does not burn out. One spouse may be very romantic while the other spouse not so much, so each person needs to take themselves out of the picture and hone in on what their spouse likes, and compromise their personally feelings because love and sacrifice go hand in hand. There should be a happy medium that the couple can work at naturally without feeling like romance is chore. Which brings me to my final point, empathy: “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Unless the couple understands the definition of empathy and practices this emotion. You can count out dates because the couple is not working in self-less mode, but in selfish mode. Growth in a union cannot harbor selfishness.
If you are struggling with continuing to date your spouse, let us all make a commitment today to go back to repairing our foundation. The foundation that is the base to your family. Get back to doing all the things that started your Godly union.
Coming up next week….. COMMUNICATION- What Works and What Doesn’t