Answered Prayers

  prayer1As I am sitting here, drinking a tea, and taking in the noise and chaos of my surroundings, I think about all the different things I have to deal with, and take care of in my household. It is a lot but I am extremely blessed. You guys know that I have three boys and everyday there is something different that we encounter. Whether someone is acting up in school, spending time in timeout, or bouncing of the walls, I can’t help but to look back and think about how I prayed for boys. I remember praying before the ultrasound appointment that I had for the twins. I had asked God to please let them be boys. God knew my heart, he knew that I did not want a little girl who would have acted like I did as a little girl lol. In that appointment, God answered my prayers. The same thing happened when I was pregnant with my youngest. I prayed that God would give us another boy. I already had everything I needed from the twins. God did just that, he answered my prayers.

My husband is always making fun of me because he says that everything that I have prayed for, God has given to me. I have been truly blessed. Every job that I prayed for, God has given it to me. Whether it was praying for a place to live, cars, increase, a good school for our children, God truly showed up and showed out by answering my prayers. In realizing this, it immediately humbles me and reminds me not to complain about anything. Now, were these prayers answered immediately? NO! There were periods of time where it seemed like I waited forever. Did I get exactly what I asked for all the time? Nope! I ended up getting better than I imagined! What we envision for our lives doesn’t even come close to what God has in mind for us. I prayed for a certain job and was so down when I didn’t get it, even though I was more than qualified for it. God ended up giving me a position that was even better!

On the flip side, we must always remember that when we pray for something, we must also make sure that we are truly ready for what we prayed for. I prayed for boys, but did I really realize what that would entail? No! LOL. Did I really understand that there would be little to no quiet time? I do now. These scriptures mean so much to me, and if you are in the midst of waiting, I hope that you find comfort in them:

Mark 11:24 NIV:  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

John 15:7 NIV: If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

Matthew 7:7 NIV: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

If you are still waiting for God to answer your prayers, consider this; he is getting ready to give you something better, or he is preparing you to receive what you have been praying for. We are not always in the position to be thankful and good stewards over what we are asking for, so God will wait until we are in the right position. Let’s be real, would we really appreciate the answered prayers and blessings if we didn’t have to wait and struggle a bit?

How good has God been to you? We would love to hear your testimonies!!

 

United Front-Facing Attacks Together

You know the saying, “behind every good man is a wonderful woman?” Well, the same is true the other way around – behind every good woman is a wonderful man. Since marriage is a lifelong commitment, so much can be said when you and your spouse can face conflict together.5032c9f6a0377e49271427bb47217a21

One thing about the past 10 years, is that my husband and I have created such a strong bond, to where we won’t let anyone or anything mess with the other. It’s obvious that the enemy will do whatever he can, to destroy a marriage that was built in God. His job is to find any crack or leak in the foundation in order to have his way. He will try to use anything or anybody to do just that. There are times where my husband will check me spiritually and I will do the same for him. We must keep each other on guard so that we can join together to fight against outside attacks. Therefore, it is so important to be a united front together, to put a stop to the enemy’s schemes. Do you have your spouse’s back?

I don’t mean do you have their back if someone is talking about them. I literally mean do you have their back when they go through spiritual attacks? The Holy Spirit brought to my mind a picture of a husband and wife standing back to back with their swords drawn, ready to fight. You know, sort of like those action movies where the guy and the girl stand back to back to get ready to take on the things that are coming their way.

We as women are powerful. Women in many ways bear the brunt of the family – children’s concerns, husband’s problems, and to top it all, battling our own fears. With all the responsibilities that we have, it is also our responsibility to be one half of that united front for our husbands. With the help of God, women can break cycles of bondage and weakness in the family, make the home a spiritual refuge and ‘fight’ for the health of their marriages and homes. Consider this scripture in your daily walk:

armor-of-god“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12 NIV).

 

 

Different attacks that my husband and I faced and still do at times were/are:

  1. arguments
  2. attacks on the jobs
  3. health
  4. behavioral problems in school from one or all three children
  5. temporary division from outside family

There could be things that are not listed that you and your spouse have to unite to fight against. One thing we must remember:

We must pray for our husbands to be protected in everything they do. From physical protection to spiritual protection, we must do our part to keep them lifted on their side of the united front.

*please read and study to show thyself approved*

Next week’s topic: Friendships 

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Communication. What Works? What Doesn’t?

Today we will tackle one of the biggest problems in marriage. COMMUNICATION. 15171129_10207590915986747_7176525610080932430_nCommunication is and should be a part of the foundation of marriage and is essential to the life of a marriage. I cannot stress enough; how important it is to have effective communication with your spouse. Even though we hear and know that, it doesn’t make it easy. My husband and I struggled with this very issue, early on in our marriage. When dealing with an introvert, it is hard to get them to communicate. Lack of communication led to many pointless arguments. Behind the wall that I have personally put up, to protect myself from being hurt by others, communication would have caused me to be transparent. Transparency equaled vulnerability to me, and I did not want to allow myself to become vulnerable. That was part of the problem, I didn’t want to be vulnerable and he didn’t really know how to communicate how he felt. We began to do the work, read and prayed that God would work on us both individually, so that we could be a better partner to each other.

Here are some points from the bible that talks about communication:

Colossians 3:8 (NIV) “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”

No discussion about good communication would be complete without including a discussion on negative words. Like it says here, we must put away anything from our mouth that is not good. Anger, wrath, malice, slander and obscenities are all types of sinful behavior, and they are often expressed through negatively spoken words. These words will tear down and destroy relationships and people, so the Lord forbids us from expressing ourselves in these ways. Otherwise, our communication and our relationship with the Lord, with our spouse and with others will be hindered.

Proverbs 15:23 (NIV) “A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!

In the middle of an argument, there are so many things that are said that are hurtful and we probably wish we could take back, but when you are able to communicate effectively and appropriately, you should be happy about the progress you have made.

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I read an article on http://www.thefamilylife.com, that really stuck with me. There was a part that said:

“The Bible encourages deeper communication but cautions against using it recklessly. How can you tell the difference between what is appropriate and inappropriate? Deep communication takes most of us a long time to achieve. You or your spouse may have come from a family where open communication was discouraged or even punished. It may take years to reach a deep, satisfying level of transparency, but every couple needs to be headed in the right direction.”

What are your thoughts on this?

I had some special guests weigh in on this topic. Here’s what they said:

Communication can be a tricky especially in a marriage. I have learned that it takes far more than just listening with your ears but also listening with your heart. If the words you say, don’t match how you feel then you are doing a disservice to who you are communicating with, especially your spouse. Checking in with each other and asking  “what does your heart need to communicate?” has allowed us the space to be truly authentic and for that I am grateful.  (Kiana, Married for a year)
We always speak of communication as being key in marriage which it is. I have learned that it is not my way or her way but ya’ll way ( Yahweh) lol and we must always keep that first. (Mark, Married to Kiana)
Communication hasn’t always been the best between my husband and I. Through the years, we’ve learned how to communicate better with each other. When I had a disagreement with my husband I wanted to discuss it right then and there; which was not effective. One, he wasn’t listening to the issues I had. Two, he would get upset. Three, no one was listening to each other. If there’s no communication , what do you have? We had to learn to listen to understand & not reply. When you take the time to listen to each other, it makes the other person feel as if their feelings & opinions matter. We also learned that sometimes you have to come back to an issue at a later time. Not that the issue is swept under the rug , but to give each other time to cool off. In anger, we can be dangerous with our words if we’re not careful. Once it’s out, you can’t take it back. You want the words you speak to your spouse not tear them down. (Noel, Married 11 years)

What has or has not worked for you in regards to communication? We want to hear from you!

*please read and study to show thyself approved*

Next week’s topic: Friendships 

 

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Dating-Does That Even Exist Anymore?

 

Last week we talked about how our children are blessings, even though they test our patience at times. This week we will dive into how important it is to continue dating your spouse.15032111_10207543210714145_3041434472063307819_n

The everyday hustle and bustle of life is always chaotic. Errands must be ran, the kids need taken care of, matters need to handled and the list goes on. It is so easy to become complacent in the same daily routine. After being married for 8 years, getting comfortable was a problem for us. We would forget how to care for the foundation of our family, which was our marriage. What we did when we were dating, and even before kids, was becoming a thing of the past. If we took time to get away to talk, laugh and enjoy each other’s company before, then we must make it a priority to keep our marriage afloat.

Sounds easy, right? Just date each other more. It’s not always as easy as it sounds. Here are a couple of things that could make dating your spouse a difficult task.

  • Child Care- It is very hard to date your spouse if you have young children with little to no child care assistance. It was and still is a struggle for us simply because we don’t have a lot of family around. The family that we do have around, we don’t want to burn them out with babysitting all the time.

Does this sound familiar?

  • Lack of planning- When you get back to making dating your spouse a priority, you can schedule dates ahead of time. We literally have to give my mom our days a month in advance so that she knows to block of that time. LOL! Funny but necessary. When planning, be sure to be realistic!
  • Finances- Everyone’s financial situation is different. Do you have to spend big bucks to date your spouse and keep the romance alive? Of course not! Take it from a DIY’er, this is where your creativity must shine! There are plenty of ways to have completely free, yet romantic and fun quality time with each other. There are times when my husband and I will just take a drive down Lake Shore Drive, after the kids are sleep, just to embrace God’s beauty, while talking about life.

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I wanted to get a guy’s perspective on this issue, so I asked my husband to give his intake on how important it is to date your spouse. This is what he said:

Dating as a married couple is very hard, when you have children.  Let me rephrase that, dating is hard when you are married and your union truly believes children, or taking care of elderly parents, or any other number of family priorities are higher on the list than the union.  I believe married couples must set predetermined dates on the calendar (multiple days) throughout each month to ensure they are making intimate time for one another.  That time doesn’t just mean physical connection, but the emotional, mental, and spiritual connection that keeps unions close.  A date doesn’t always have to be going out to the movies and dinner (which is still important) but a date is literally a date.  The most important thing a couple must do first is agree on a date that they will dedicate some time just for one another.  Need be 30 minutes or 6hrs the time needed is for each individual couple to figure out. At a minimum, there should be a bi-weekly or monthly time the couple plans.  It’s easy to make excuses as to why there isn’t time for your spouse when both are dedicated to the family and family comes first.  But how did the family come first if it wasn’t for the union of the couple? Mixed with the predetermined dates there should be spontaneity and flirting throughout daily interactions so that the ember does not burn out.  One spouse may be very romantic while the other spouse not so much, so each person needs to take themselves out of the picture and hone in on what their spouse likes, and compromise their personally feelings because love and sacrifice go hand in hand.  There should be a happy medium that the couple can work at naturally without feeling like romance is chore.  Which brings me to my final point, empathy: “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”  Unless the couple understands the definition of empathy and practices this emotion.  You can count out dates because the couple is not working in self-less mode, but in selfish mode.  Growth in a union cannot harbor selfishness.

If you are struggling with continuing to date your spouse, let us all make a commitment today to go back to repairing our foundation. The foundation that is the base to your family. Get back to doing all the things that started your Godly union.

 

Coming up next week….. COMMUNICATION- What Works and What Doesn’t

God’s Little Angels-Or Not?

Now that we have been blessed with our children, why didn’t anyone tell us how hard parenting was? There is no book on how to be a perfect parent, or what to expect on your journey. Each family and child is unique, so it will be a learn as you go type of thing. All I know is, that little fairy tale of having the perfect little angels, has been demolished. *insert laugh here*

14947783_10207510666500560_1801016506353906688_n  Have you ever been that type of mom that would just roll your eyes at your obnoxious children? I have! Let’s face it, we try to give our kids the best of everything, all for them to act like spoiled little monsters. I have three boys that are all under six years old. They were the sweetest little things when they were babies, but then, they grew up. Now, I have three boys who drive me batty day in and day out.

Guess I’m the only one who feels this way huh? Maybe, maybe not. I have to deal with one smarty pants, one who is over the top sensitive about everything, and one who just doesn’t follow the rules, so yes I roll my eyes constantly. Let’s not even get on when they are a combined force…. HELP ME. Since I have boys, there are always toys flying everywhere, jumping off the furniture, running up and down the hallways, shouting, tattling, fighting and crying. Again, why didn’t anyone tell me about this? I know that there are going to be years more to come of this. Since each child is unique, I am learning how to accept each of their flaws, just the way that God accepts my flaws. I am also learning to pick the battles. Does that make it easier, no, but I am learning. Unless there is immediate danger, I have learned to tune out all the chaos. Boy oh boy is it a glorious time when their dad walks through the door.2af2d5046b800401_crazy_mom

In accepting that this is my new normal for a while, I still have a job to build my boys up to become Godly men. Let’s look at some verses on how to build our children up in God.

Proverbs 22:6 states: Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Titus 2:7 NIV states: In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness.

What does these verses mean to you guys? For me, it means that if God blessed me with my children, then I must be an example for them. Teaching them and showing them with my actions how to be God like. Don’t worry moms, it will not always be like this. Let’s keep doing our part in raising Christ like children and enjoy the bumpy ride while we can. I can honestly say, that once they are grown and out of the house, I will probably look back to now and miss when my house was in a whirlwind.

I want to hear from you, how are your little Angels treating you???

*Please study to show your self approved. Read the scriptures provided, for yourself*

Stay tuned for Date Night: Does That Even Exist Anymore? coming next week!

Why The Struggle?

 

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“We did everything we were supposed to do under God. We dated, we got married, and now we are wanting to start a family.” Why was it not as easy as I thought it would have been?

I cannot stress enough on how common this struggle is. There are some women who have dealt with this, or who are dealing with this right now. Just know that you are not alone. There have been many who have dealt with this, or are going through it right now.

When my husband and I first got married, we had planned to enjoy each other by traveling and spending quality time together. After that we knew we wanted a family. That should be easy, right? Well it wasn’t. In fact, it took about 3 years before God blessed us with our babies. Let’s talk about how hard it truly is to wait for God’s timing.

I remember crying to my husband often about why we were struggling. Was something wrong with me? Was something wrong with him? Was God mad at us? I kept trying to figure it out, and while I was doing that, my husband, in his calm demeanor, kept telling me to trust God and things will happen when they are supposed to. That sounds good and all, but when a woman has baby fever, she is not trying to hear logic.

Let’s check out some women in the bible who struggled with fertility:

Rebekah was married to Isaac. She was barren and Isaac pleaded with God on her behalf. God blessed them with twins, Esau and Jacob. Read their story here: Genesis 25:19-24

Rachel was married to Jacob. She too was barren. God heard her plea’s and opened her womb. They had two boys, Joseph and Benjamin. Read their story: Genesis 30:1-24

Hannah was married to Elkanah. Hannah weeped in anguish and prayed, asking God for a son. The LORD remembered her and she conceived and birthed a child. She ended up having six children. Read that story here: 1 Samuel 1:10-20.

You see, these women all struggled, but they knew that they served a God who could turn any situation around. God did that for me and my husband. We were blessed with twins in 2011. Looking back, I know realize that God was just getting us in position to take care of not one, but two children at one time. Sometimes the waiting period is due to God preparing us. After the twins, God blessed us with another boy in 2013.

Don’t give up my sisters. God may not come when we want him, but he will always be on time. If you find yourself in a similar situation, keep going to God in prayer with your desires. Nothing is too hard for him.

*Please study to show your self-approved. Read the scriptures provided, for yourself*

We Don’t Believe In The Same Thing

yoked     Man, oh man. I have been so busy within the last couple of weeks. Let’s get back to it, shall we? My husband and I grew up together, in the same church, so it was very easy for us to be on one accord when it came to our faith, and what to teach the kids. Even though this is my story, I know that there are some women, who have a spouse that either has a different belief, or not a believer at all.

So, how do you handle being with someone who is an unbeliever? Let’s take a look at what scripture says:

2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (NIV).

What does this scripture mean to you? To me it means that having a marriage that is not yoked, will not work out. In your marriage, you two are one, you are linked together with your spouse, so there has to be some sort of balance in order for it to work. Listen to what one young lady had to say about dealing with her marriage and two different beliefs under one roof:

                    When I was approached with the question, “What does 1 Corinthians 7 mean to me?” I really had to process being unequally yoked in marriage. Growing up in a Christian family, fornication & “shacking up” was a huge taboo and you just didn’t do it. I cannot count how many times I heard “It’s better to marry, than to burn” growing up. So when I fell in love with an unbelieving man, I didn’t want to burn and the bible does say “The unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife: 1 Corinthians 7:14”; right?! So surely this is the right decision I’m making in marriage, right??? Ladies let me tell you how WRONG I was. Yes, the word of God does tell us that the Unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband.  However, when we choose to marry someone outside of what God has said in marriage, we sacrifice sooo many things. If your spouse does not believe in the biblical guidelines God set for marriage, how does he know how to love you like Christ loved the church? Christ had an undying love for the church & he ultimately gave His life for it. I’m not saying that just because your husband is not saved, he can’t or don’t love you;  what I am saying is that he does not love you in the manner God intended for his daughter’s to be loved. Marriage is work;  both have to work to make it work. If one believes in the manual (bible) & the other does not, how can you agree? Has it been hard in dealing with a unbelieving husband? Absolutely. Have I wanted to throw in the towel? Many times. My faith in God is what sustains me & I pray daily for my husband’s salvation. I made the decision to marry him & I’m serious about the covenant I made with him & God. I definitely would not encourage anyone to knowingly go into a marriage with someone who does not have a relationship with Christ, but if you are already married & struggle with the decision you made, I leave you with this; Continue to love your husband as God has called you to do. Continue to pray for his salvation. Let the life you live in front of your husband be an example on how God has commanded us to be as Christian women. Give your marriage to God, He can & will guide you if you allow Him. (Kari- Married 11 years)

If you are a follower of Christ, you are a chosen child of God. He doesn’t want you to settle for less than His very best. It’s worth noting that a Christian wife who finds herself in an unequally yoked marriage, should not use this issue as grounds for divorce. God has the power to turn around the most desperate situations and use them for good. Even so, a Christian wife can save herself a lot of heartache and grief by seeking God’s will early into a dating relationship. Pray that God reveals to you what you should do.

I would love to hear from you guys! Are you currently in this situation? What are your thoughts about this particular subject that receives so many different opinions?

 

I Can’t Stand To Be Around Him At Times

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“ He makes me so sick. He needs to change and I’m going to pray that God does just that.”

Does this sound familiar?

For so many years I placed blame on why disagreements would come up in my marriage, on my husband. Things were always his fault. I’ve told him many times how he needed to change his ways in order for our marriage to work . Am I the only one who has been angry or frustrated with my marriage?

There were just some things that I had to come to terms with and change, for the sake of my marriage.

  1. I AM IN CONTROL OF MY OWN EMOTIONS

I couldn’t blame my husband for making me mad, because I am responsible for how I respond and control my emotions. What am I getting mad for anyway? There is always room for discussion about disagreements without blowing up on each other.

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19-20NIV)

26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27NIV)

This is one of the hardest verses in the bible for me to follow. I would let any and every little thing bother me. The word clearly says that as a believer, I should listen without rushing to interrupt to get my point across and slow to get angry. Have you ever looked back on a past argument and thought about how silly it was in the first place?

There have been times when I didn’t want to reconcile after an argument. That was pure stubbornness. There is a reason for the verse in Ephesians. The longer you stew and stay in your anger, the more opportunities you allow the devil a chance to work. I could always tell when the Holy Spirit would convict me in my anger because this verse would replay in my mind. Did I care? No, I would just find a way to justify why I was mad.  Chew on this, have you ever encountered someone who lost a spouse and the first thing they would say is, “I never got a chance to say I Love You, one last time, or I wish I could take back those final words I said to them.” Don’t let that be you. Take heed to this scripture.

  1. DIVERSION TO AVOID TRUTH

One thing my husband says that I’m good at, is using a diversion tactic when I want to avoid something. In an argument, do you point out what your husband does and play the back and forth blame game? I did too. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I had work to do, so I would find a way to divert what he was saying back to what I felt he needed to work on or what he was doing wrong.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. ( Matthew 7:3-5NIV)

Wow! Clear as day. I wanted to be right so bad, that I would point out all of my husband’s flaws, but never took notice of my own. When we continue to play the blame game, we never come to a true resolution. I’m pretty sure that there is work that needs to be done on both ends.

  1. COULD MY ANGER BE CAUSED BY FEAR?

From our last post, we learned how to fully submit to God and our husbands. Since I knew that I was supposed to submit, I panicked at the thought of someone controlling me. I was wanting to call the shots and when I didn’t get my way, here comes the anger. I wasn’t trusting God to lead my husband, and I wasn’t trusting my husband to lead me. There is no such thing as a fairytale marriage, even a Christian one. There are good times and there are bad ones. Each marriage is different. When you come into a marriage with expectations of how YOU want things to be, you will become disappointed when they don’t turn out that way. I had in mind how I wanted my husband to love me. When it wasn’t the way I expected, I would get angry, and tell him how to do it. There I go again not trusting God to be the true head of my marriage.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3: 5-6NIV)

I cannot express it enough, how important it is to have God as the head of your marriage. If he is not, there is work to be done. There will be times when you get frustrated but I pray that you guys’ will seek the above scriptures for guidance and of course, prayer.

There is one book that truly helped me to confront my imperfections, along with the bible. I encourage you all to check out Louise Hay’s Mirror Work. It really helped me to focus on what needed to be fixed inside of me.

I will leave you with this scripture:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7NIV)

Do you guys find yourselves in the same boat as me? I would love to hear from you

 

 

 

 

 

Submit? You’re Kidding Right?

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Let’s get started!! I was praying for topics that Christian women could be struggling with within their marriages. God showed me what I needed to address within myself first, so that I could help other women, who struggle from the same issue. Clear as day, he showed me Submission. What does it mean to submit to your husband in marriage? Why does this subject have such a negative thought pattern surrounding it?

I had been a pretty independent lady, so when I was told that when I got married, I had to submit to my husband, I immediately thought that I had to allow someone to have control over me. No way! That was how I started my marriage. I said that I was okay with letting my husband take lead, and I would submit to him, but my actions never showed that. I liked to do things my own way, so submitting was a hard thing for me to do for a better part of 7-8 years. Only recently, have I gained a true understanding to what it means to submit. One thing that I was missing was that my husband was not the only person that I needed to submit to. In fact, I needed to fully submit to God, and then my husband. Once we as women fully submit to God, we will begin to see things from a Godly perspective, instead of a worldly perspective. I began to realize that submitting did not mean that my husband would control me, it just meant that we would have continual love and respect for each other, and I would lift him up in support as he does what God leads him to do.

Ephesians 5:21-25 (NIV) states: “21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”

You see, our Godly husbands have a job to do, and that is to love us as Christ loves the church. That’s a pretty big job, so our job is to help make it a little easier for them. In scripture it states that we are to submit to God and our husbands. We can’t do one without the other or it won’t work. I knew I had work to do in this department but it didn’t click for me until this year. Let’s take a look at how some other women feel about submitting and how they have dealt with it.

     “My experience with being a submissive wife has definitely been a work in progress, to say the least! lol! I’m on my 2nd marriage, and I can honestly say that this is the man who God created for me. In my 1st marriage, being submissive didn’t work out well for me. I was raised in the church and I knew what the bible said about wives submitting to their husbands but I didn’t learn what that truly meant until recently. I think that I started out being submissive but once I saw that my husband at the time didn’t know how he was supposed to treat me and took advantage of me, it was a wrap! He was not being the man of the house nor did he view me how Christ viewed the church, and unfortunately we couldn’t get it together so we got a divorce. Being married now for a 2nd time, I fully understand what those scriptures mean and how it looks within a marriage. According to God’s design, marriage is a relationship that returns love for love, service for service. Husbands and wives love and sacrifice for one another in many different ways. Husbands are supposed to love their wives by protecting, cherishing, and serving them. Wives submit to their husbands out of respect and love. Both the husband and the wife are given many opportunities to show Christ’s love to one another. It is not always easy, and I think all married couples would agree, but marriages can best reflect God’s redemptive work in our lives by following his example of his relationship & love for the church.”          (Tierra, 31 Divorced & Recently Remarried)
         “When I reflect on Ephesians 5:22 in response to submitting to your husband, I truly feel by saying wives submit to your husband puts a wife in the mindframe that she needs to “obey” her husband. I remember when I got married I was adamant about my Pastor not saying love, honor, and obey in my wedding vows. I asked could he substitute “obey ” for “humbly submit”. I had to learn that submitting to your husband wasn’t a sign of weakness or an inferiority to him, but an act of respect to being the head of the household. If you can’t trust & respect your husband to lead your household, then you definitely shouldn’t be marrying him. I think we all have this idea that marriage is this great big fairy tale; when it truly isn’t. There are times my husband has made decisions that made me want to strangle him, but he has an accountability to God for the decisions he makes concerning us. That’s why it’s so very important when we choose our husband’s that we choose a man who is after God’s own heart. If a man is after God’s own heart and loves you as Christ loved the church then you’re off to a great start. Christ had an undying love for the church & ultimately sacrificed His life for it. When a man does that,  it makes it easy to submit to him because you know he has your best interest at heart.”                        (Sparkle, Married 11 years)
                  “Submitting was never a bad word to me growing up. I saw my Christian parents leading by example. However, as I entered relationships with different men who I felt were not worth my submission, the idea travelled further and further from my mind. When, I eventually met the man I believe God joined me with, let’s just say my center had shifted. This idea that I was exposed to as a child was no longer an idea that I accepted as one based in reality. I knew what the bible said, but I felt like my submission was not something that would just come with the wedding package, but it would have to be earned. As long as my husband did what I thought he should, I responded submissively. However, if there was any issue, I would regress to being my own woman and doing what I wanted to do. In retrospect, this action was directly related to not only my need for spiritual growth, but my husband’s as well. When I saw him growing spiritually and I began to grow, I became convicted. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect and I fall “off the wagon” sometimes, but I can truly say being submissive is definitely the rule, not the exception in our household now. ”              
 (Tiffonie, Married 16 years)

     Wow! I think it’s safe to say that this has been a struggle for a lot of us. If we allow God to send us our mates, instead of jumping ahead of him and picking out our own, we will see that submitting is not bad, but a great thing on both ends for marriage. To be in divine order, our husbands must follow God and love us as commanded and we as wives’ must obey, honor and submit to them. If your husbands are not there yet, that’s okay. Just continue to pray that God will show them the way.

Have you submitted your all to God? Are you still struggling with submitting to your husbands? We would love to hear from you!

*Please study to show your self approved. Read the scriptures provided, for yourself*